Alien Invasion of South Park
by cheri1
Summary: Twelve and Clara. South Park/Doctor Who crossover. The Doctor picks a random location to visit and ends up visiting a mysterious planet filled with foul mouthed children. Very mature rating. FINISHED.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Got this idea after watching In The Loop with Peter Capaldi. This fic has a mature rating for a reason so if you don't like swear words, don't read.

Chapter One

"So where are we going then?" Clara said to the Twelfth Doctor as he stood at the console. \

"I thought we would try a random location today and see what happens," the Doctor said with a smile. "How does that sound?"

"Sounds good to me. Random location, here we come!" Clara said.

"Ah yes, that's the spirit," the Doctor said as he set the controls to random. "Hopefully, we land somewhere interesting."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

(South Park, Colorado…)

"This is a bunch of bullshit!" Cartman said as he walked home with his friends. "I can't do a book report in three days."

"Especially since you can't read, fuckface," Kyle said.

"I will ignore your hateful words, Kyle," Cartman said, stopping and turning towards him with a pompous air of importance. "At least I didn't have to repeat the fourth grade."

"I didn't repeat the fourth grade, dumbass, that was you," Kyle said.

"I didn't repeat anything, assmunch!" Cartman said.

Kenny and Stan glanced at one another before Kenny stepped forward.

"Mmpff, mmpff," Kenny said, putting one hand on both his friend's shoulders.

"Yeah, Kenny's right, we need to get along," Stan said, coming up between them. "We need to be nice to each other."

"I'll get along with Assmonkey when he stops implying I can't read."

"You can't read, Assmonkey Junior," Kyle said.

"Can't hear you, Kyle, ignoring you now," Cartman said, turning and waving his hand dismissively.

He was about to walk away when all of them heard an odd wheezing sound. They watched with silent awe as a strange blue box materialized in front of that.

"What the fuck is that?" Stan said, pointing to it.

"It says Police Box up there," Kyle said, pointing to the sign above the door.

"Good, the police have come to arrest you for being a bitch to me, Kyle," Cartman said to him.

"You're the bitch, Cartman, just like your mother," Kyle said.

"DON'T YOU TALK ABOUT MY MOMMA THAT WAY, YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!" Cartman screamed at him.

They fell silent when the TARDIS doors opened and Clara peeked outside.

"Damn, what the fuck is that?" Cartman said to the others while Clara looked around in confusion.

"It's a woman, what does it look like," Stan said.

"I know it's a woman, dumbass, but she looks weird!" Cartman said. "She's all fat and bumpy."

"You're fat and bumpy, Cartman," Kyle said.

"THAT'S IT, FUCK YOU GUYS, I'M GOING TO THE POLICE!" Cartman yelled.

Clara gasped when Cartman pushed his way past her and froze when he saw the interior of the TARDIS.

"What the fuck is this?" Cartman said as he looked around.

The Doctor was walking towards the door when Cartman entered.

"Um, Doctor, they look like paper people," Clara said to him.

"What the hell is this? Why is this fucker bigger on the inside?" Cartman said, walking up to the Doctor.

"It's my TARDIS," the Doctor said. "And I'll ask you not to use that foul language in my presence."

"What the fuck's a TARDIS?" Cartman said, ignoring him.

The Doctor glared at him as Clara walked up behind him. He glanced out the door and noticed Cartman's friends had come up to the open door and was peering inside.

"What is this thing?" Stan said, peering in.

"This is my TARDIS, my time machine," the Doctor said to them.

"Time machine?" Cartman said. "Hot damn, it's mine now!"

"It is not yours," the Doctor said to him.

"It's mine, it's mine, it's mine it's mine it's mine!" Cartman chanted as he did a little dance.

"You couldn't use it if you tried, Cartman," Kyle said.

"Hey, Grandpa, can I go back in time and kill him so he won't be around anymore?" Cartman asked the Doctor as he pointed at Kyle.

"No, you can't," the Doctor said.

"Fuck you then, you old fuck," Cartman said.

Clara put her hand over her mouth, holding back her laughter as the Doctor's mouth nearly hit the floor. Meanwhile, Cartman was walking around the console room, muttering to himself about how he owned a time machine while he surveyed his property. He headed towards the console and the Doctor ran to get in front of him.

"No! Get out!" the Doctor said to him.

"No, this is my time machine!" Cartman said. "I'm gonna go back in time and kill Kyle so I won't have to put up with his shit ever again."

"No, it's not your time machine, it's mine. And no, you can't go back and kill anyone," the Doctor growled at him.

"You can't tell me what to do, you fucking old fucking asshole, I own you now!" Cartman said.

"Right, time to get out now," the Doctor said, picking him up.

"No! You can't tell me what to do, you 800 year old assmonkey fuckface!" Cartman said as the Doctor walked to the door with him kicking and screaming in his arms. "This isn't fair! THIS ISN'T FAAAAIR!"

The Doctor dumped him out the door and blocked it while Cartman turned and glared at him.

"You asshole, I'll find a way to get my time machine back!" Cartman said to him.

"This isn't your time machine," the Doctor said smugly.

"Cartman, come on, we gotta go home," Stan said, tugging at Cartman's sleeve.

"No! I want my time machine!" Cartman said. "I found it first and it's mine! It's mine, mine, mine, and no Depends wearing fuck is gonna keep me from it."

"I'm done here," the Doctor said with a sigh. "Come on, Clara, let's go find somewhere else…"

He trailed off when he noticed a huge black flying saucer was slowly coming down out of the clouds.

"What the hell is that thing?" Stan said, pointing to it.

"I want it too!" Cartman yelled, pointing at it. "I want it and I want the time machine. They're all mine!"

The Doctor looked back at Clara.

"Should we leave?" he said to her.

"Dunno, do spaceships land here all the time?" Clara asked him.

"Is this spaceship landing a usual occurance around here?" the Doctor said to Stan as he pointed towards the spaceship.

"Um…no, not really. Cartman was abducted a long time ago by aliens and they gave him pinkeye," Stan said.

"Scott Baio gave me pinkeye," Cartman said to the Doctor.

"And they made him think he was Judy Garland," Kyle said.

"I'm gonna make you think you're dead if you don't shut the fuck up!" Cartman said to him.

"Make me, Lardbutt!" Kyle said.

"Alright, you get out of the way, I'm gonna go inside and go back to the past and kill Fuckface Kyle. I…"

Cartman trailed off when the Doctor and Clara stepped outside and the Doctor slammed the door shut behind him. Cartman jumped up, grabbed the door handle and grunted as he tried to open it while the Doctor and Clara headed towards the spaceship.

"Hey! You get back here and open up my spaceship, you old farty fuck!" Cartman yelled as he leaped down and followed the Doctor and Clara.

The others watched as Cartman walked behind the Doctor and Clara, shouting curses at them while they tried to ignore the little foulmouthed brat.

"Should we follow them?" Stan said to Kyle and Kenny.

"Mmpff, mmpff, mpf," Kenny said.

"Yeah, Kenny's right," Kyle said. "We better make sure Cartman doesn't do something that'll blow up the town. Besides, I'm curious about the spaceship and these people," he added, pointing to the Doctor and Clara.

"All in favor of following, say aye," Stan said. "Aye."

"Aye," Kyle said.

"Mmpf," Kenny said.

"Okay, it's unanimous, let's follow them," Stan said.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"You guys, you give me back my time machine now!" Cartman said as he tagged along behind the Doctor and Clara. "I am in control and you will respect my authoritah!"

"Clara, tell the cardboard cutout to shut it," the Doctor said over his shoulder.

"The Doctor tells you to shut it," Clara said, looking back and down at him.

"I WILL NOT SHUT UP, MOTHERFUCKERS!"

The Doctor stopped suddenly and with a heavy sigh, turned towards Cartman. He noticed the others were hurrying to catch up to them but unlike their friend, they didn't get on his last nerve and didn't seem to be loud, rude and vulgar.

"Go back where you came from, little boy, and learn to speak without swearing every other word," the Doctor said. "We're investigating this spaceship and the last thing we need is you following us around, swearing and telling us to give you my spaceship."

"It is my spaceship, you stupid fuck," Cartman said.

"Cartman, shut the hell up," Stan said as he went around him to the Doctor.

"No, I will not shut up! If you're the police, arrest these motherfuckers!" Cartman said, pointing at his friends.

"I'm sorry about him, he really doesn't know when to shut up," Stan said to the Doctor. "I'm Stan and this is Kyle and Kenny and he's…Cartman," he said as he pointed to everyone.

"At last, politeness. I'm the Doctor and this is Clara," the Doctor said with relief.

"If you're a Doctor, why the fuck does your box thing say police on it?" Cartman said.

The Doctor rolled his eyes and walked off.

"Goddamn it, I'm talking to you, you stupid geezer!" Cartman yelled.

"Hey! Shut up!" Clara said to Cartman. "Or you're not coming with us!"

"How you gonna stop me?" Cartman said with a smirk.

He gasped when Clara picked him up and held him out at arm's length.

"You don't weigh much and I can kick you across the field. Now if you're gonna follow us, shut up and follow orders!" Clara growled at him while Cartman's friends giggled.

"Let me down, you stupid hoooooooo!" Cartman yelled as Clara threw him away from her. Cartman landed twenty feet away on his ass and shouted curses at her while Clara walked away. Kyle sighed and walked over to Cartman.

"Hey, you wanna find out about this spaceship?" Kyle said, pointing back to the spaceship which was now on the ground.

Cartman opened his mouth, thought better of it and then shut it.

"Yes," he finally said meekly.

"Then do what they say and shut up. I wanna know what's going on and the Doctor won't let you come if you keep calling him a fuckface. So shut up and obey him."

"You obey him," Cartman muttered under his breath but he stood up and followed Kyle as he walked back to the others.

By now, the Doctor was examining the outer hull of the spaceship.

"Odd, it looks and feels like paper," the Doctor said to Clara as the children gathered around them. "Yet, it has weight to it. I can't pick it up with ease like I can with Podgy over there."

Stan suspected that the Doctor was insulting Cartman but he didn't look Cartman's way or gesture towards him and so Cartman had missed the insult or perhaps, Stan mused, he really was being on his best behavior so he could stay. He didn't know what podgy meant but he guessed it meant "fat" and he filed it away inside his mind for future use against his friend.

Cartman left the group and walked along the length of the ship, examining it for himself. Stan noticed him and followed. Cartman looked back when he saw someone following him and snorted.

"I'm not cussing at anyone, Stan," he said to him.

"I'm just wondering what you're doing, Cartman," Stan said to him.

"Just looking for a way into this sweet, sweet spaceship so I can have it too," Cartman said. "You can go back to the others now, Stan."

"If I were you, I wouldn't be so eager to go inside another spaceship," Stan said. "Remember what happened the last time the aliens abducted you?"

"That was a long time ago. I'm fine now."

Suddenly, a bolt of electricity shot down from the air, hit Cartman and changed him into a tarted up Judy Garland. Stan watched as he danced around and sang, "I love to sing-a, about the moon-a and a June-a and a spring-a. I love to sing-a. About a sky of blue and a tea for two…"

There was another buzz and Cartman reverted back to normal.

"GOD DAMN IT, LEAVE ME ALONE, SCOTT BAIO!" he shouted up to the sky.

The Doctor sighed.

"There he goes again, yelling and screaming and possibly getting us killed," he said to Clara. "Will someone please shut him up before the aliens find out we're out here?"

"I'll do it," Kyle said.

He walked over to Cartman.

"Hey! The Doctor told you to shut up, Cartman."

"I'm not listening to Grandpa! When is he gonna give me my fucking time machine! I want my time machine, God damn it!" he yelled.

The Doctor gritted his teeth and stomped over to him while Clara and Kenny followed.

"Listen here, you better stop calling me old and Grandpa and stop using profanity before I put a gag around your mouth."

"You don't tell me what to do, motherfucker! I'm not listening to you any fucking more! Now give me my spaceship, you stupid fuck!"

"It's not your spaceship, you stupid fucker, it's mine!" the Doctor said, completely enraged. "Why don't you take your fat ass back to your house and go eat a fucking pie, you mouthy little fucker!"

He stopped short when he finally realized what he was saying and he turned to look at Clara who was now staring at him with openmouthed shock.

""Wow, Doctor, did that just come out of your mouth?" Clara said.

"I…I didn't mean that. He's pissing me off," the Doctor said, pointing to Cartman.

"I want my time machine now!"

"Well, you can't have a time machine, you podgy little fucker," the Doctor said to him. "The last thing I want is to go back and take care of your cock up since you obviously don't have the brains to do anything except swear. Now go and take your fucking fat ass back to where you came from and leave us alone!"

"Wow," Clara said, still stunned. "I never thought I'd see the day when you let vulgarities come out of your mouth, Doctor."

"So what if I did," the Doctor said to her. "I'm an adult, aren't I? I can fucking swear if I fucking want to."

"Yeah, well, you can stop your fucking swearing around me, Doctor," Clara said.

"Oho," the Doctor said to her. "Finally, the Boss grew some balls of her own. You talk like that to Danny then?"

"No, because I have more sense than you do," Clara said.

"Excuse me," Stan said, trying to get their attention when he noticed a ramp was lowering from the middle of the spaceship.

"And you don't have to stoop to their level," Clara added, pointing at the children.

"What if this is what everyone does on this planet, Clara?" the Doctor said to her. "What if swearing's the fucking norm around here. Shouldn't I just jump in balls first and be like everyone else?"

"Hey, guys!" Stan said, tugging at the Doctor's pantleg.

"Forget it, Kyle, the stupid Australian's probably deaf or something," Cartman said.

"Fuck you, you fucking minge box," the Doctor said, turning to him.

"Don't you call me…whatever you just called me, you fucking Austrailian!" Cartman yelled back.

"I'm not Australian, you stupid piece of shite. For one thing this is a Scottish accent and for another thing, I'm not even from Earth so you can shut your pie hole, Tubby!"

"RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH, DAMN IT!" Cartman howled.

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!"

Everyone shut up when Stan bellowed at them and he finally got their attention as he pointed to the ramp that was now completely extended. The Doctor composed himself and said a quick apology to Clara before suggesting that they go and investigate.

"Wanker," he muttered to Cartman as he walked past him towards the ramp.

"You're gonna give me my God damn time machine, you stupid fucker," Cartman muttered under his breath while he followed everyone else to the ramp.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

"Now," the Doctor said as they stood in front of the ramp. "Let's make one thing perfectly clear here. We are not going to be loud, rude and swear while we're in the spaceship. We are going to behave with decorum because if you lot are the reason we are captured and killed, I will regenerate and kick your arses straight into the grave, got that?"

"Are you through now, Grandpa?" Cartman said.

Clara groaned with the Doctor glowered at him.

"And you, you especially will keep your fucking mouth shut or I will find the nearest paper shredder and put you in it. Then I will line a birdcage with your shredded remains and let some mangy cockatoo shit on you all day long, got that?"

"You don't scare me," Cartman said.

"Um…I would be very scared if I were you, Cartman," Kyle said when he saw the enraged look on the Doctor's face.

"Mmpf, mmpf, mmpf, mpf."

"Kenny's right. This is getting ridiculous," Stan said. "Just keep quiet, Cartman, so we can go inside and look at the cool spaceship."

"Alright but I'm only letting you guys see my spaceship because I'm feeling generous today," Cartman said. "If it was anyone else, I'd be charging admission."

"Excuse me, but…why are you even friends with Jabba the Hutt here?" the Doctor said to the others as he pointed to Cartman.

"He won't leave us alone. He follows us everywhere like a little lost kitten," Kyle said.

"Hey! I do not follow your stupid ass like a little lost…"

Cartman shut up when the Doctor gave him another look of death.

"Am not a lost kitten," Cartman muttered as he followed everyone up the ramp.

Inside the spaceship was made of a black metal with lights in the ceiling spaced evenly along a wide corridor, there were doors spaced evenly on both sides of the corridor and round lights in between those. The Doctor studied the layout. The corridor was on both sides of the entrance and there were doors at either end of the long corridors in addition to the doors on either side of them.

"We go this way," the Doctor said, pointing off to the right after some thought.

"Why?" Cartman said.

"Because I fucking said so, Tubzilla, now come on," the Doctor said.

"Am not Tubzilla, you wrinkly fuck," Cartman said under his breath as he followed everyone.

So far, nothing was coming out of the doors as they made their way to the one at the end.

"Is this how most spaceships are, empty and boring?" Stan asked as they walked.

"No, most spaceships are filled with creatures and things," Clara said over her shoulder.

"Is your vagina filled with creatures and things?" Cartman said.

Cartman backed up when the Doctor spun around and glowered at him.

"Are you really that fucking stupid that you can't follow a simple direction like keep your fucking mouth shut" he said to Cartman.

"I am not fucking stupid, you stupid fuck!" Cartman said.

"Oh I'm so sorry, Mister Mensa, I had no idea you were so intelligent. I suppose I am judging you by the way fuck drops from your lips every ten seconds but I realize now that you must have tourettes. Sorry. I didn't look past all that to see your undeniable genius."

"Yes, I am quite smart, aren't I?" Cartman said, putting his hands behind his back and putting on a pompous air.

Clara giggled at the exasperated look on the Doctor's face.

"Have you ever tried turning a hose on him when he follows you?" he said to Stan and Kyle.

"Nah, it'd just piss him off more and then we'd have a wet, cussing Cartman on our hands," Stan said.

"Oh, that is sooooo witty, Stan," Cartman said, rolling his eyes. "Yes, that was filled with tons of wit."

"Wow, you actually know what wit is and can use it in a sentence, I'm fucking impressed!" the Doctor said.

"YOU QUIT MAKING FUN OF ME OR I'LL GO TELL MY MOMMA WHAT YOU'RE SAYING TO ME!"

Clara winced and the Doctor threw up his hands when Cartman bellowed that and it echoed off the interior.

"Well, they fucking know we're here now, don't they, Tubby?" the Doctor said, bending down to his level. "And if they come out of one of those doors, I'm gonna throw you to them so we can get away. Let you fucking deal with them, you stupid wanker."

"DON'T YOU CALL ME A…WHATEVER YOU JUST CALLED ME, YOU STUPID AUSTRAILIAN! I WILL GO AND GET MY MOMMA AND SHE'LL TELL YOU TO SHUT UP."

"Yeah and then sleep with him."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, KYLE!" Cartman said, rounding on him. "MY MOTHER IS NOT A WHORE! YOUR MOTHER ON THE OTHER HAND IS A BIG BOSSY BITCH…"

"Doctor…" Clara said, grabbing the Doctor's arm as the Doctor prepared to bitchslap Cartman down the corridor.

The Doctor turned and sighed when he saw the door at the end of the corridor slowly sliding open. He glanced back at Cartman who was still bellowing at Kyle. Everyone except him had noticed the door opening. The Doctor spun around and grabbed Cartman, picking him up.

"HEY, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" Cartman yelled.

The Doctor turned around towards the opening door.

"Okay, fuckity bye," the Doctor yelled before dropkicking Cartman towards the door.

"FUCK YOOOOOOOU!" Cartman bellowed as he flew through the air and right through the open door.

"Doctor, was that wise?" Clara said to the Doctor.

"Why? You're actually grieving the loss of the mouthy little twat?" the Doctor said to her.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" they heard Cartman saying from inside the room.

"Fuck, he's still alive," the Doctor said.

"Hey, you guys, guess who's here!" Cartman said as he came to the door.

Cartman stepped aside and a skinny black boy came to the door and clicked at them.

"Hey, it's Starvin' Marvin!" Stan said, pointing.

"Starvin' Marvin?" Clara said.

"Yeah, he's an Ethiopian boy that was starving because Sally Struthers was keeping all the food people sent for herself," Kyle said.

"Oookay," Clara said.

Starvin' Marvin walked towards the others, clicking rapidly. To everyone's amazement, the Doctor clicked back and Starvin' Marvin froze, his mouth dropping in awe that someone knew his language.

"Wait, you can speak Ethiopian?" Kyle said to the Doctor.

"I can speak every language."

Starvin' Marvin clicked at the Doctor, overjoyed at being understood.

"He says his name isn't Starvin' Marvin, it's Bekele and he claims he's from the planet, Marklar."

"Oh yeah, that's where we took him and his people," Stan said. "To escape the missionaries that was trying to convert him."

The Doctor spoke to Starvin' Marvin as Cartman walked up to them. Marvin clicked back and pointed to the open door.

"He wants us to follow him," the Doctor said to the others.

The Doctor clicked back at Marvin and Marvin led them down the corridor to the open door.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

"This is sooooo lame, you guys," Cartman said as he followed behind everyone else. "Why are we following the skinny ethalopian anyway?"

"Because the skinny ethalopian, as you put it, is smarter than you, Tubby the Two Tonne Twat!" the Doctor said over his shoulder.

"Hey! You will respect…"

Cartman shut up when Stan slammed his hand over Cartman's mouth. Cartman glared at him but backed up and kept his mouth shut.

Starvin' Marvin led them through several rooms and two corridors before they reached the console room. Inside was a thin, pink alien with long fingers and a gigantic brain. He was sitting in a chair similar to the one Captain Kirk used on the Enterprise and when Starvin' Marvin clicked at him, he swiveled around and assessed the situation.

"Greetings, Marklar," he said to them. "I am Marklar from Marklar. Why have you marklared here?"

"What?" Clara muttered as the Doctor stepped forward.

"Greetings, Marklar," the Doctor said to him. "We, Marklar and I, are Marklar. We traveled in our Marklar to this marklar and found your marklar here. We decided to marklar it and we found this marklar who took us to see marklar. Why have you come to Marklar then?"

"Okay, that didn't make any sense at all," Clara muttered again.

"Marklar, I greet you and Marklar here," he said, gesturing towards Clara. "I have marklared here in my marklar because Marklar," he said, pointing to Starvin' Marvin, "was very marklar and wanted to see his marklar again," he said, pointing to the children. "I mean marklar and your marklar no marklar and we will leave this Marklar as soon as Marklar marklars the marklar there," he said, again pointing to the children.

"Ah, I see, Marklar," the Doctor said while Clara stood beside him, totally lost. "I misunderstood your marklar. Accept my sincerest marklar for my ignorance."

"Not at all, Marklar," Marklar said. "It is good to meet a marklar who understands the marklar of Marklar and I hope to marklar you at another marklar time in another marklar place."

The Doctor nodded while Clara stood there with a severe headache from trying to understand what the hell was going on. The Doctor turned to the children.

"He said that Bekele…um…Starvin' Marvin was lonely and wanted to see all of you. After his visit, he will return home with Marklar.

"Cool! Come on, Marvin', let's go play," Stan said.

Marvin' clicked happily and all the children left, except Cartman. The Doctor eyed him when Cartman glared at him and put his hands over his hips.

"Yeah, what the fuck do you want now, Dodgy Podgy," the Doctor said.

"I want my goddamn ship and my time machine, damn it!" he said to the Doctor. "And I'm not going until I have them!"

"Look, you little wanker!" Clara snarled as she leaned over and put her fist in his face.

"No, Clara, we'll give him what he wants," the Doctor said, holding out his hand to stop her.

"What?" Clara said.

"What?" Cartman said in disbelief. "Seriously?"

"I can't compete with you," the Doctor said. "However, let us say goodbye one last time to our beloved time machine and its yours, okay?"

"No! Because you'll go inside the damn thing and shut the door! I'm not stupid!"

"That's a matter of debate," Clara muttered.

"Oh no, by all means, come in with us. I need to show you how to fly her anyway," the Doctor said.

Cartman gave him a wary look but the Doctor put his hands in his pockets and strolled away with Clara following him.

"Hey, wait up, you guys! I'm coming too!" Cartman said, hurrying after them.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Wow!" Cartman said as he stood inside the Console Room and looked around. "This is all mine!"

Clara, who was standing near the console, snorted at that.

"We'll see about that, Tubby," she muttered to herself.

After going inside, the Doctor told Clara and Cartman to wait before he ran out of the room. It was now ten minutes from the time they entered and the Doctor still hadn't returned.

"Hey, where'd he go?" Cartman finally asked as he walked over to Clara.

Clara shrugged, genuinely not knowing where the Doctor went but she hoped he'd be back with something to shut the kid up. Then, after fifteen minutes, the Doctor entered the Console Room with a panicked look on his face.

"Run, Cartman, I accidentally unleashed it!" he said in a dramatic voice.

"Released wha…"

Cartman was silenced when a big brown furry thing with glowing eyes lumbered into the room and headed towards him.

"Run! It's a Yeti! Run now!" the Doctor said, pointing to the front door. "I can't stop it! Run!"

"Hey!" Cartman yelled at the Yeti as it came towards him with arms outstretched. "You don't scare…"

His eyes widened when the Yeti kept on going and he screamed in terror, spun around and ran out the front door as the Yeti sped up and followed him out.

"THIS IS NOT FUCKING FUNNY, YOU GUUUUUUUUYS!" they heard him scream as Clara ran to the door and looked out.

"Will that kill him?" Clara said, looking back at the Doctor.

"Nah, it isn't real. Just some robot tinkering project I messed about with a few centuries ago. I set it to power down and deactivate after a half hour. I figure that will give it enough time to teach the git a lesson about trying to take things that don't belong to him and being a mouthy, shouty fuckwad. So…shut the door, Clara, and let's leave here before something else happens."

"Fine by me," Clara said, shutting the doors.

"I think 3D for our next adventure will do nicely," the Doctor said as he began to power up the TARDIS.

"Yes, 3D sounds wonderful, right now," Clara said with a nod as she walked towards him.

She stood by him as the TARDIS took off and noticed the impish grin on the Doctor's face.

"What?" she said.

"Respect my authoritah, you guys!" the Doctor said with a perfect imitation of Cartman. "This is my time machine and I own it and you and everyone else!"

"Oh, shut up," Clara said, giving his arm a playful swat.

The Doctor chuckled and Clara relaxed and watched while he input coordinates for their next destination.

THE END.


End file.
